I have just returned from another fantastic holiday with my Mum and my son, we’ve been away together quite a few times and we always have so much fun. I adore the relationship that we have, it’s not like a tolerance because we’re family, I genuinely love spending time with both of them.
We always have a laugh, sometimes at each others expense, and there’s plenty of silliness, usually from my Mum and I, whilst Christopher stands there and shakes his head.
We don’t get on 24/7 of course, there are disagreements to be had, we’re only human, but it’ always shortlived.
Now usually I would write about my holiday as a sort of diary, what we did each day, what we ate, saw etc but I thought I would go a different way this time.
I love going on holiday, I love going away for the weekend or just overnight somewhere, it’s fun, it’s a change of scenery.
However, with trips away and holidays abroad comes the dreaded anxiety.
Now I know that most people have a tiny bit of paranoia when it comes to going away for a few days;
“Have I closed all of the windows?”
“Have I got the passports, tickets, etc?”
These are general worries, but what about when it starts getting to the point where you would actually rather just not go because you’re filled with so much anxiety about it, you genuinely start to believe that your life will be at risk.
Here are just a few of the irrational worries I had;
- “What if my cat runs away whilst I’m gone because she thinks I’ve abandoned her?”
- “What if the plane is captured by terrorists?”
- “Is that guy a terrorist? Is that woman a terrorist?”
- “Does that woman in the wheelchair have a bomb in it?”
- “What if we get shot at on the beach in a terror attack?”
(I sense a theme here…)
- “What if the plane crashes and I see my son die in front of me?”
- “What if the plane crashes and my son sees me die in front of him?”
- “What if the plane crashes and my Mum sees her daughter and grandson die in front of her?”
- “What if we get attacked by sharks?”
- “What if someone breaks into the apartment?”
- “What if someone has broken into the apartment whilst we’ve not been there and they’re hiding?”
- “What if the zombie apocalypse breaks out whilst we’re abroad? I don’t have a plan for Spain?” (or anywhere other than home for that matter).
There are a million terrible scenarios that I could reel off here and this is why I am always so tired, because my brain is constantly in overdrive, thinking up the next disaster to befall me. It’s bloody exhausting and I can see how anxiety is debilitating for lots of people. This is also the reason why I sometimes spend an entire day in bed because my brain is just wiped out on ridiculous irrational fears.
So, as much as I love going places, it is extremely exhausting but I don’t want this to stop me from doing the things I love, so I often force myself into situations because the alternative is to stay trapped inside my house.
I just wanted to get this out in the open just in case there are other people out there who think they’re mad for thinking the way they do, you’re not, well you might be but you’re not on your own 😉