Well, I haven’t been here in a while… do you ever notice how your life ebbs and flows like that? One minute you’re completely infatuated with a certain aspect of your life and forget everything else? Then it can switch just as quickly!
When we all got thrown into the disarray that was 2020 I used the time to do some yoga, paint some stuff and not a lot else really… I know some people have really benefitted from the lockdown(s) and others have had their lives completely destroyed.
I believe I am somewhere in between.
I didn’t write a novel or learn a language (although I gave Spanish a good go!). Instead I focused on the things I’ve always wanted to do but have just not done them for one reason or another.
For example; paddle boarding. It’s an easy one, that’s possibly why I’ve never just done it, because I’ve thought “well, I can do that anytime”
Obviously not anytime through 2020… unless of course you were already a seasoned paddle boarder, you could probably do some, but my point is the excuse of “I can do that anytime” was removed. I couldn’t just go do what I wanted. I couldn’t go for a coffee, a meal, a hike or paddle boarding.
So 2020 made me realise the things that are special to me, the values I hold, what I want to do, how I want to live, make money, laugh, enjoy, where I want to go and who I want to go to these places with.
These first few weeks of 2021 have been absolute pure bullshit. I’ve pretty much hated every second of it if I’m honest. But I’ve trudged through it and made some plans!
I’ve stripped back my life and looked at what is important TO ME.
I used to do this weird thing where if I wanted to go somewhere and I knew someone else wanted to go there but couldn’t for some reason I wouldn’t go because I felt guilty!
What a weird way to live your life.
If I applied that to everything I wouldn’t ever be able to do anything!
I have a group of friends, and we tend to do things together, as friends do, day trips, meals out, holidays etc and it can often be difficult for us to all have the same days or weekends free…
This has, in the past, caused me to hold back on making plans to do things that I wanted to do because they weren’t available.
Now, no offence to my beautiful lady friends, but I’m not sitting around and waiting any longer bitches!
I have serious wanderlust. And I want to go EVERYWHERE, and when I say everywhere, I mean it! It physically pains me that I won’t get to go to all of the places. Like all of the places! So, when I have the opportunity to go and do something, I’m doing it.
If this last year has taught me anything, it is just that.
I have taken some time to re-evaluate my life. Which sounds very profound and liberating. When actually I’ve just made a list of all the things I have going on, and threw away the crap I didn’t want or like anymore.
I go through this process every now and again. I seem to start veering off course and my life gets all tangled and messy. Things don’t work out how I want them, so I think I’m a failure. Then I pile on a load more things to try and achieve something.
This eventually leads to more failure, thus creating a vicious circle!
So, I made the the list. The list of all the commitments I have in my life, the activities I participate in. Everything.
Then I really picked them apart. Which of them do I love? Which do I actually dread? Which am I doing for the wrong reasons? Which really truly make me happy? Which am I passionate about?
If I thought about never doing the thing ever again and it made me feel relief, then it went.
If I felt the opposite, the thought of never doing the thing again made me sad, then it stayed!
So, now my life is going to consist of things that make me feel good. Things I want to do. Places I want to visit. People I want to see, meet, know.
Of course there’s going to be shit I don’t want do. That’s life. But that’s my point!
The whole point of existence, in my opinion, is to enjoy it!
With that in my mind, I vow to to take steps to be;
More confident, less scared.
More brave, less afraid.
Woo! Let’s go!