Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of my dreams….
The sidewalk seemed like a good a place as any to sit down and wait for my Mum to call. And Yes I mean sidewalk, I was in New York City after all. I propped my tablet up on its inflatable stand and settled down to watch TV.
A woman shuffled out of the shop I was sitting in front of, I knew she was going to talk to me, it’s just a feeling you get isn’t it?
he stood in front of me, I could tell she was hiding something behind her back. Before I had chance to react she had stabbed her knitting needle into my tablet stand! Unbelievable!
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I yelled.
“I don’t even have a phone.” she replied.
Who doesn’t have a phone these days?
I grabbed her bag and sure enough there was her phone, pink with shiny diamantes, some real tacky shit.
“My number is 666 NIGHTMARE!” screamed the woman. Her eyes were wild and her hair sprung up all over the place like she’d been electrocuted, imagine the cat lady from The Simpsons, that’s her.
I ran inside the shop and asked to speak to a solicitor.
“I would have phoned the police but as we’re in the States I know they’d only laugh at me.”
Back outside Dan TDM joins us, he informs me that my tablet isn’t broken.
“I know that Dan, but she popped my tablet stand.” I tell him with a little ‘tude.
It didn’t matter, nobody was listening. The police had arrived and had lead the lady away to a nearby police van.
Nick Clark was perched on top of the lady’s handbag, I told him to ‘have some damn respect.’
A skeleton man appeared, he reached out to grab me.
“Don’t let him touch you, he has the disease of death.” yelled Nick.
“Aren’t you dead?” I asked him.
We crossed the road together towards the police van. The lady had been fed now. And we all broke out into the most beautiful rendition of The Offspring’s ‘Gotta Get Away’.