A trip to York is never complete without something spooky or disturbing. Whether it be a ghost walk or a trip to the dungeons. However, you don’t often expect this to spill over into your accommodation, although this would be a brilliant business idea if someone has the funds to get it started.
The place we had booked to stay, which will forever be referred to as ‘The Murder House’, was absolutely diabolical. I’ve stayed in some shit holes, but this was ridiculous.
It was advertised as a secure, clean and comfortable apartment, within perfect distance of all of the main attractions; okay, that last part was true, it was a great location, but the rest was ever so slightly exaggerated.
For a start the code locked gate, which was supposed to make guests feel safe and secure, was constantly propped open with a brick, which we did keep moving in order to lock the gate but always came back to it unlocked and wide open. The main door to the building didn’t close properly, so, as you can imagine we were feeling super happy about our safety and couldn’t wait to see what delights awaited us in the apartment. <———- (In case you didn’t pick up on it, this was sarcasm…)
You know that feeling you get when you walk in a place and you instantly feel relaxed, at peace, you just get a good vibe? Well this was the exact opposite of that.
The light fittings were hanging off the ceiling, the whole place stunk of stale cigarette smoke and there were blood splatters up the walls.
Feast your eyes upon the gallery of mankiness!
The toaster crumb trays that have never been emptied, the blood splatter up the walls, the unhygienic plastic chopping board complete with potential pube, the splashes of grease up the wall with the pans, a smashed freezer drawer, a leaky radiator with stained lino, an alarm box that didn’t work, unsafe electricals hanging from the ceiling, an absolutely filthy floor and the greasiest hob I have ever seen! And I own a cleaning business, I have seen my fair share of ick!
Beyond the giant mess of crap we also had to contend with the creepy ass décor, paintings of girls with no faces, which gave me Handsmaid Tale vibes, cupboards locked up like Fort Knox, probably where the bodies and bondage toys are kept… And then when we returned from our meal out that evening we found that somehow one of the beds had been disturbed; the pillows and duvet had been flung about on the bed. We’re still none the wiser as to whether or not this was a person or a ghost… but I was super close to paying an extortionate amount of money to check in to the Hilton around the corner!
All Murder House shenanigans aside, we actually had a really good time in York! We found a cute little café bar called Dusk where I had a Jack Bauer, unfortunately not THE Jack Bauer but it was pretty tasty. Actually, I think I had two and that’s probably why I can’t remember what was in it… after that little pit stop we mooched around for a while before we went on the Bloody Tour of York. If you haven’t been on this yet then what on earth are you waiting for? It is absolutely bloody brilliant (no pun intended). Mad Alice is quite possibly the best tour guide I’ve ever known, she is astounding!
When we’d been suitably scared to death on the tour and topped up our knowledge of York it was time to eat, again. We had a table booked at Fancy Hanks and it was certainly fancy, although we didn’t get to meet Hank, never mind maybe next time…
Cocktails were consumed, food was fed to us, not literally, but you get what I mean. We then had to make our way back to the house of death.
Fortunately we survived the night! We weren’t sold into sexual slavery or possessed by demons, at least I don’t think we were…
However, the following day we did visit a fabulous antiques shop where we came across this terrifying little bundle of evil! If anything is going to possess you then it’s this little bitch! (And no, I’m not referring to myself, but also check out the melty faced woman in the photo frame!)
Trip to York:
Accommodation: Murder House – a very unacceptable £175
Food and drink for 3 (lunch, dinner and snacks): £120
Train from Bradford: £20 return
Bloody Tour of York: £12 pp
Made A Hames 